Potty Training Broke Me (and Then We Won)

Let me be honest in a way that potty-training blogs never are: it nearly broke me. I went in confident. I had read the articles, bought the tiny colourful potty, downloaded a chart with stickers. I told my husband, "Two weeks, maximum." Reader, I was a fool. A naive, well-rested fool who had no idea what was coming.

The first week was puddles. So many puddles. My son Reyansh would sit on the potty for twenty patient minutes, produce nothing, stand up, walk three feet, and then unleash an actual flood onto the floor. I have mopped more floors in three weeks than in the entire previous year of my life, and I have the spiritual scars to prove it. I started following him around the house like a tiny anxious security guard.

Then came the bribery phase, which I am not proud of. Chocolate buttons. "One button if you use the potty." It worked for exactly two days, after which he figured out he could simply demand the chocolate and negotiate the potty later. A two-year-old out-strategised me. I sat on the bathroom floor at one point and genuinely considered whether nappies until university was such a terrible outcome.

The low point was at my mother-in-law's house. Her brand-new, pale cream carpet. I will spare you the details, but I will say that I have never scrubbed anything so fast in my life while smiling so hard and saying "these things happen!" in a strangled voice. She was very gracious. The carpet, I am told, recovered. My dignity did not.

And then, somewhere in week three, with absolutely no warning, it just — clicked. He toddled off on his own, used the potty, and came back to announce it with the pride of a man who had summited Everest. I cheered like our cricket team had won the World Cup. I may have cried. He looked at me like I was slightly unhinged, which, by that point, I was.

If you're in the puddle weeks right now, exhausted and questioning every choice — it's not just you, and you are not doing it wrong. Some kids click in days, some take a month of chaos. There's no medal for being early. One day, probably when you least expect it, they'll just figure it out. And the relief, I promise you, is enormous. Buy good floor cleaner and hold the line.